December 3, 2023

Find out the first reason for your confusion about life now…

It took me quite some time to figure this out, even when I got the information. I wish I had done this earlier; however, there is no better time for this piece than now.

You see earlier last year, February 19th precisely. On returning from a compulsory youth service program, Nigerian graduates must pass through after getting their first degree. I felt the need to be grateful-which, of course, was important.

However, it dawned on me that I have not really done anything remarkable per se. I mean, thousands of youth are obviously returning home after the service.

So, I realized I have done nothing more but follow rules; go to school, pass with good grades, get my certificate, serve my country, and then await the next phase, which is to get a job and then wait for a man to come to marry me off. Hilarious… right?

But this is what an average person and family believe. So, there is no difference in thought patterns, just the mediocre mindset that we grow up with. But then, to what end? And to what effect?

Well, I am glad to say that I didn’t end with such thoughts. I listened to some messages and my mindset took a substantial shift..

Now let’s learn…

Do you know the number 1 reason for your confusion about life? That is, if you are confused about life.

You do not know your stance: the first reason for your confusion about life

Have you thought of so many decisions you have made in life because you trusted people and society to decide for you?

Like from picking the course to study in school, to the right outfit for an interview or a date, from picking the right job for you to the type of friends you should keep. These days it is even worse as many schools get to choose the course you should study and many students follow these rules without questioning the system.

And of truth, it is overwhelming. Countless and countless decisions are made on your behalf. Do you know what these rules do? Instead of shaping us, it traps us from becoming what we should be. At that instance, we drift from what God has created us to become.

So since last year, I have engaged in learning, and earlier this year I became intentional about growth. And I discovered that every meaningful growth stands on CHRIST. So, I wanted to know what it means to be a Christian, not just to be called a Christian, so I joined a session our church handles- discipleship class.

Because I was tired of the constant fears, doubt, and lack of belief that always grow at the slightest provocation, and all I can say is that even now I’m amazed at the level of my ignorance.

No wonder, my constant fears, doubt, no wonder the fickle and mediocre mindset, no wonder, the truancy in my spiritual life, personal growth, and relationships.

Well, I thought I was growing. I mean, of course, I was and am still growing. However, an event took place just the last 3 weeks that flogged my conscience like never before.

I got into a slight argument with my siblings about which noodles tasted better, the one we had last time or the one we were having then. And I said I preferred the last noodle compared to the one we were having at the time. But then they choose the one we were having. That wasn’t a problem after all; everybody is entitled to his or her choice, right?

But you know what hit me? One of my siblings called me by my name and said, “I don’t have a choice”. Well, as simple and as ignorable as the statement was, it saddened me. However, I understood she didn’t just say it, the reoccurrence of an event and my behavior made her say it. And I will reveal this in our next series.

Do you know what it means to know your stance? Let’s find out…

What does it mean to know your stance?

According to the Cambridge dictionary, stance is a way of thinking about something, especially expressed in a publicly stated opinion.

Here is my definition of stance. Know your stance involves “your ability to say and do what you mean, and mean what you say or do.” Simple right? So, if you do not know your stance, you don’t have the ability to say or do what you mean, and vice versa.

If you have always done something because people said it, you will be confused. If you have always said something and compromised, especially where you don’t have to, you’ll be confused. Because people will know you for that and treat you exactly the way you treat yourself.

They will know you as the person who does not know what he or she truly wants.

That is why many people will start businesses and get discouraged because of people’s opinions. That is why you would want to grow and still follow a group of friends because you cannot forsake the old lifestyle.

And as long as this continues, it will become unbearable for you because people will never take you seriously. They will discredit you and do things that bite your conscience.

Why do you think you do not know your stance?

I can boldly say that it is just one reason and the only reason you do not know your stance is that you do not know the truth- the whole truth.

You do not know your stance because you do not know the truth of your being. You do not know the truth of who God is. My spiritual mentor would say, “Once the PREMISE is wrong, the SURMISE will be wrong too.”

“And you shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free,”- John 8:32

So in order words, it is not the presence of the truth that makes you free, but the knowledge of the truth. And it is not half the truth that makes you free, but the whole truth.

That is why; we have many average Christians that are comfortable living the life of unbelief, anger, fear, doubt, and the greatest of all SIN.

I understand we are born into the Christian faith and home, and that knowledge is a prerequisite to knowing more. However, relying on what you know at that point could be erroneous.

Here, let me give you a quick illustration, so pay attention, and think as you read…

Imagine this: when you are in total darkness and your eyes are open, do you see anything? Of course not, so the tendency to fall or hit your legs on any object is high, but do you know you are in the dark? Yes, you do!. So imagine there is light, and even in the presence of a light so bright, but your eyes are closed, would you see? Well, of course not. And do you know you are in the light? No. see the illustration below…


So, this is mostly the situation of many Christians. We are born into the Christian home and then led in the light, but because we cannot see, we never really experience change. Just a normal experience and the vicious cycle continue.

Now let’s explore the illustration we have given above.

In the two circumstances, who do you think is better? Is it the person in the dark with his eyes open or the person in the light with his eyes closed? Leave your answers in the comment section. It does not matter what your answer is, let us grow together. I will sincerely drop my comments after seeing yours.

So we have talked about the truth for so long. What truth do we even mean? What truth are we talking about? I believe you could answer now, but for the sake of clarity, read on to find out.

What truth should you find out about?

Find out the truth about

  • Who you are
  • Who your SOURCE is
  • What your potentials are
  • How to develop your potential
  • How you can use your potential to serve others

Do you know what the truth does when you find it?

  • Truth takes away fear
  • Truth takes away doubt
  • Truth brings light
  • Truth brings enlightenment
  • Truth sets you apart from others
  • Truth makes you know your stance
  • Truth brings out the champion in you
  • Truth emboldens you

But then, the presence of truth is not enough. “And you shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free.”

So, today we have many average Christians with the touch of a pagan mindset. So, they would rather settle for the usual lifestyle and the normalcy of them.

“My people perish due to lack of knowledge”- Hosea 4:6

Knowledge of what you ask…well, knowledge of the truth. You must begin to ask the right questions like, who are you? Whatever anyone says you are, provided you cannot find it within the confines of the scripture, they said lies. “Let God be true, and all men be liars.”

What does knowing your stance mean? Knowing your stance means embracing your individuality, embracing your dreams, not another person’s dream.

Your stance is not just your opinion about anything but your attitude towards those things. Are they the same? Do your lips say yes and your countenances say no and vice versa? On what basis are your opinions built? Are your opinions built on truth, lies, or other people’s opinions?

If your opinions are based on lies, you will have a malnourished growth, you’ll have a questionable lifestyle and, above all, you will be confused about life.

What happens when you do not know the truth?

  • When you do not know the truth, there is a loss of VISION, you follow trends; you spend your time experimenting with life instead of moving with PRECISION.
  • When you do not know the truth, you will not know your stance and when you do not know your stance, you’ll not have a choice and when you do not have a choice, you’ll be confused. Why? Because people, the internet will detect how you live your life.
  • You will become a shadow of yourself; because you are not transformed in the mind.
  • When you do not know your stance, you become impressionable, so gullible; you become susceptible to deceit, fraud, disregard, and confusion.
  • When you do not know your stance, you focus your energy on anything and everything. When you do not know the truth, you lack DISCERNMENT.
  • Above all, when you lack discernment due to lack of knowledge of the truth, the CHAMPION in you dies.

Do you know why? Because you want to engage in experiments to see which one works for you. And at every failure comes; anger, disappointment, confusion, and above all, desperation to continue with what you have been doing.

So, you want to become an expert in fashion designing, but you want to study law in school to see where it leads you, or because your family and friends compelled you to.

You want to become a writer but cannot lift a pen to practice. You do not even read. So basically, we live our whole life experimenting. I have been part of it. Most of us have been part of it.

Do you want to become an artist, singer, tailor, or public speaker? Then be ready to pay the price. This is what it means to say and do what you mean.  After all, “Uneasy lies the head that wears the crown.”

How do you know your stance?

  1. Acknowledge the fact that you direly need the truth, TRUTH IS LIFE.
  2. So, seek the truth, and have substantial knowledge of what you are exposed to. Do not be passive.
  3. Change your narratives. Remember our illustration. You can be in the light and still be confused because there is no transformation and change of mindset. (Read Eph 4:18)
  4. Continuously vet every opinion that comes your way. Don’t replace truth with lies, but replace lies with truth.
  5. For you to know your stance, you must fight to understand the reason for your being. This is where transformation happens.
  6. Always look deeply and think through before you believe people. If you are not sincerely led to believe any opinion, then you are simply forced to, because of the people’s actions, opinion, belief, or even their silence. To know your stance, take your time before you accept anything. It will save you from uncanny stress.

Benefits of knowing your stance

  • You will be able to make quality decisions
  • Your mind is then transformed
  • You become aware that you are in the light, and you walk in the light. You represent the light and share the light.
  • You might be able to walk through life with precision
  • If you would be on the right track to conquering confusion

Disadvantages of not knowing your stance

Here is an excerpt from one book that has taken root in my mind, Essentialism.

When we don’t purposefully, deliberately choose where to focus our energies and time, other people- our bosses, our colleagues, our clients, and even our families-will choose for us, and before long we’ll have lost sight of everything that is meaningful and important.

Greg Mckeown

Here is another one. “If you don’t prioritize your life, someone else will.”

Gone are the days when we allow our parents, guardians, friends, colleagues, and even the internet to choose our path for us, the course to study, the job to take on, whom to marry, and even how to live with our partners. However, this does not mean we cannot get guidelines and a piece of advice when we need them.

“Let God be true and all men be liars”

Who says drawing is not enough skill and you have to merge it with some demanding job to earn more money? Who says speaking is not a skill? And who says sewing, painting, dancing, acting, writing, baking, and many others are not excellent skills?

So, would you sit and allow the opinions of people to dictate who you should become?

Knowing your stance answers how much you know what you claim you know and how it would help you make quality decisions. 

Do you have substantial knowledge of what you know? Why do you want to become a writer? Because everyone is a writer, please think again. Why do you want to do that business? Because your friends say you can do it well, think again. Why do you want to marry now? Because everyone else is getting married… please have a rethink.

Remember, different strokes for different folks.


Hey dear! Congratulations, you have successfully learned the number one reason among the 8 reasons for your confusion about life. Here in this guide, we talked about the number 1 reason you are confused about life and that is “you do not know your stance.”

I hope to hear from you. What are your thoughts? Does this resonate with you? Are you willing to put it to work? Are you ready to work through life with your chin up? Then learn the truth and nothing but the truth.

Is it possible to know your stance and still be confused about life? Yes, yes, and I will prove that to you soon.

Our next series will be VALUE-packed, so pray for us and be ready to find the truth!

Do not forget your dreams matter and deserve all your time and energy. See you next time!


11 thoughts on “You do not know your stance

  1. Knowing your stance is the ability to know the Truth and stand by the Truth irrespective of what people say or do. This raises the CHAMPION in you!

    God Almighty has prepared Young Dreams Matter to bless our generation. We’re here as the patron; to contribute, to guide, to bless, and to present YOU and all your DREAMS and MATTERS to Jehovah OVER-DO, Amen. Remain blessed!

  2. For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

  3. Wow, this article is for me, i pray for Grace to know my stance in life in Jesus name. Keep it up dear

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