December 3, 2023

The stress is getting to her

You are doing too much and too little: the fourth reason for your confusion about life

If you are here now, then, like me, you should direly need intentional growth. And you would want to live your life with undeterred PRECISION. So, welcome, and today we move over to our next series!

Let’s begin

So, let’s be confident now, you know your stance; you have embraced the discomfort that comes with knowing the truth, and above all; you are acting on what you know. But do you know what else can still draw or pull you into a confusing state?

You are doing too much and too little

Let me explain to you better, by doing too much and too little. I mean, you are making yourself more available to others than for yourself. Does this sound contradictory? Be patient as we learn about this.

Remember, you are born to fulfill a destiny that is unique to you, and maybe you are on it. But there are drawbacks, well this is because you are doing so much handling other things that you lose focus of what truly matters to you. Hmmm.

No wonder many people will apply for job interviews and proudly say they can handle four unique skills that have no connection. Most people would even go to the extent of saying they have the “ability to work under pressure”

And then when they begin to see the effect of what they called upon themselves, it burns them out.

Do you know what this does?

  • It increases stress
  • Decreases your value
  • Kills your productivity level
  • You even slowly lose yourself trying to impress people!

Many people even give the excuse that they can joggle the entire daunting task because their bosses or mentor would approve of it and praise them. Well, I tried this, and it landed me in some conflicts I wasn’t prepared for. So, I failed repeatedly.

Note: it is okay to render help or sacrifice to help people, but do not do that at the expense of your sanity. Do not please people and starve your dreams. It is not worth it.

Look, in the end, this company will decide to lay off some staff members and don’t be surprised when you are amongst the members to leave work. This is because there is no spectacular thing you are contributing to the growth of the company.

And you being available for everybody and everything cannot save you from this circumstance. And other than that, you still make yourself available at home, amongst your friend’s church and other activities.

Do not say you can multi-task, please. Take some breath, you are burning out. People will misunderstand you. Oh well, let them misunderstand. Make yourself available for your dreams. Do not give it up to show for people all the time. You cannot “rob Peter to pay Paul”

What does it mean to do too much for people and too little for yourself?

Simple, learn how to say gracious “NO” to people when they need calls for it. Tell you what? It is not going to be easy especially if you are good at what you do.

However, here is what you should know… many people would be more interested in you, not because of who you are, but because of what you offer. Those are two different things.

When you are great at what you do, many people would want you in their space because they trust you to give them all, they do not really have anything special just to stick around until they have drained of your VALUE, and many of them are so quick to show their real character at the slightest provocation.

That is why you must ask for discernment. You do not have to lose yourself dishing outVALUE and showing up for others whilst your personal development is on the verge of death.

How do you sharpen your skills? How do you refuel? What happens when these people no longer need you? Because you have run out of ideas or you no longer have new experiences to share. Please be so sensitive and mindful of this.

Example of places to practice gracious NO

Now let’s bring this down to a more realistic situation.

1.     Home

Home seems like an impossible place to say no quite often, especially when you need to. However, you must learn the importance of saying NO graciously, even when home activities are affecting your personal life.

You will find yourself doing too much satisfying your household than for yourself. This is the number one place where “you are doing too much and too little.”

It is even worse when none is assigned their role at home. So, you would most likely find yourself doing literally many tasks and still showing up for yourself.

And for many people that work from home, you would always find yourself in between stools trying to figure out what you are not doing well. Because the truth is, your family might find it hard to understand the level of responsibility you have on your shoulders.

Now, imagine trying to meet up with deadlines and your family still would make you do some jobs at home. Sometimes this still goes on if you have spelled out your busy schedules. It is daunting, especially for people that need some time to figure out what they need.

I understand what it feels like because experience is the best teacher. But do you know the solution to this? You would have to remind them of what you have at hand and cannot give up for another.

They will misunderstand you, but it is okay. Learn to say NO to the responsibility that would distract you from what matters.

2.     Workplace

Another place where people find it hard to say NO is in the workplace. It is not bad to list all your skills when you are in search of a job; however, what is bad is making yourself available for every skill you listed.

Do you know what is worse? When the skills are not interrelated. It doesn’t speak so well about you. In order words, you are a “jack of all trades and master of none,” really, is that what you want for yourself?

And when you get home, you feel tired and unfulfilled at the same time. You couch yourself in bed and hope to rejuvenate, but you remember, you still have a project that you are almost at the deadline. Now you are forced to work at home too!

It even becomes worse when the work eats into your weekend, including SUNDAY. Now, what time do you give to GOD and yourself to learn?

Do you know it is not selfishness to do more for yourself than for your workplace? You are the individual that makes up the company; the company does not make up itself or makes up people, you are inclusive. This is another reason for your confusion about life.

Because this will steal your peace and make you wonder if you are really on the right path. Well, the answer is that you are, however; you are giving yourself the stress. Learn to say gracious NO.

3.     Church

Most times, even in many churches, we find just some particular people doing the ushering work; the singing work, organization, and what have you.

And other times when it is time to give openly let’s say some donations or other contributions, many people are moved because they do not want to feel not helpful or simply do not appear as the ones who do not have.

Some priests are most times forced into doing too much and too little by being available to the members than they are to themselves and their families.

There is always a need to strike a balance so you don’t end up regretting the mistakes that you could have avoided.

4.     School

It is daunting trying to be available for everybody and everything, especially being the class rep, so you play the liaison role, of being accountable to many lectures and your classmates as well.

Trying to favor everybody and anybody is not always the right thing. That is why creating notable standards for yourself matters.

Most students try to merge their tedious study lifestyle with many activities that do not add up to their PURPOSE because they want to please everybody. If you are yet to read you do not know your stance, please do so you understand what it means to know who you are.

This creates limitations, as people would always ask before deciding for your sake.

5.     Group of friends and relatives

By now, you should have passed doing anything to please your friends or anybody at all; however, this is what we mostly grow up with.

So, it even seems like an impossible task. It is not right to try to fit in when you know your place is not even there.

It will frustrate the GRACE of GOD on you. Understand that TIME and CHANGE are two factors you have no control over. So always, fight to manage your time so you can affect change as well and not the other way round.

Your friends might be the ones to misunderstand you the most, but like in the last post, we said get ready to lose a handful of friends as you have found your fresh path.

Do you know another thing you should learn to say no to?

It is giving out help in monetary terms, especially when you know it will affect you drastically. Indeed, it is important to make sacrifices. But there is still something we refer to as unwise sacrifice.

If you are sincerely not led to give, do not push yourself to, because you will regret it. Please learn to say NO even to yourself. This is where even I need help.

You have that feeling knowing you have little, but you have an item; cloth, phone, laptop, or anything your mind cannot stay off from, please, always access your pocket. If you take that money, would it lead you to beg?

Do not force yourself to live an expensive lifestyle when you know you are yet to be there. It is GREED. Do you know the shortest way to avoid confusion when it is time to make a choice? Let me teach you…

The shortest way to avoid doing too much and too little

  • Have a plan: nothing kills the inability to decide than having a plan. Managing your time would always give room for brutal focus. You will always find yourself saying NO unapologetically.

It would help you avoid showing up at every event and any event. “Just because you were invited does not mean you should go,” I should have written focus too, however it is a plan that makes up what you focus your attention on.

  • Know yourself: This is another important factor. If you understand, who you are and what matters to you, you write off even the craziest opportunities to create yours. Understand that some events, and even people, are not supposed to be in your space, let alone you giving them the benefit of the doubt. There is no time for an experiment.
  • Understand the situation before settling for it: In the book, 21 foolish things people do by Pst. Paul Enenche explained in part 6: that entering transactions without full understanding is a foolish thing to do. And I am reminding you too; do not engage in anything that has no direct influence on you, unless, of course, you are sharing to help people.

I have made several mistakes that I would not forget in a hurry, mistakes that were avoidable. Ask questions for clarifications, and if you are not sure about it, allow it to be! Change is inevitable, but you can be in charge of it with these factors.

Dr. Myles Munroe said, “CHANGE can destroy or it can become your destiny.” Which one do you choose?

What does it mean to say NO GRACIOUSLY?

To say NO graciously means you are writing off things that do not count to make room for what matters.

Here is an excerpt from the book essentialism by Greg McKeown,

To be in charge of your life “this requires not just haphazardly saying NO, but purposefully, deliberately, and strategically eliminating the nonessentials, and not just getting rid of the obvious time wasters, but cutting out some really excellent opportunities as well.”

Here is another one! “Eliminating the nonessentials isn’t just about mental discipline. It’s about the emotional discipline necessary to say no to social pressure.”

Remember, “When we forfeit our right to choose, someone else will choose for us.”

So imagine a colleague comes to you for help with his work. But then you have piles of work on your neck. Instead of trying to please them and still be beaten by TIME, learn how to say NO graciously.

“Oh dear, I understand this is important to you but I have enough on my slate, so I wouldn’t be able to work on yours now. However, we can still reschedule, so I add it to my to do list for next week. Is it okay?”

And even if your boss taunts you with other roles and your schedules are tight, say NO graciously.

“Sir or Ma, I would have loved to explore the new idea with you. After all, I am here to learn too, but I really have to meet up with my roles. But if you think we need to tackle the issue, then it means we would have to put some things on hold, and that way I can concentrate.”

Disadvantages of doing too much and too little

  • If you do too much for people and too little for yourself, you would lose focus because you are doing the things that do not matter.
  • You will not be in charge of who says what in your life.
  • You would do things to your detriment
  • If you show up for people more than you do for yourself, you will lose your VALUE.
  • Doing too much for people and too little for yourself will disconnect you from PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT.
  • You will be confused about life

Advantages of doing so much for yourself

  • You will always make wise decisions that are beyond your understanding
  • Doing so much for yourself increases your VALUE too.
  • People will respect your decisions because you have spelled out to them who you are.
  • You will achieve your set out goals on time

Final words

We didn’t plan to write this much. I hope you are patient to read until now. Thank you for being around to the finish. And we say congratulations to you on ending our 4th series on 8 shocking reasons for your confusion about life.

“You are doing too much and too little” is the fourth reason for your confusion about life and it does not have to be so. People will burn you out and still turn against you.

Will you put this into practice, the act of Gracious NO? It is important for your growth, especially if you have found your purpose.

Our next series is you are rushing progress. Always remember your dreams only require clarity and development because it matters to GOD.

See you soon!





5 thoughts on “You are doing too much and too little

  1. Excellent discourse Ma.

    I practice the act of Gracious No.
    Looking forward to your next series.

  2. Beautiful piece dear 👏
    It’s good to write off things that are not important to make room for relevant ones 👌

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