You accept too little praise and more condemnation: part 1 of the 7th series on 8 shocking reasons for your confusion about life
Have you ever thought of what negativity does to the mind? It brings only turbulence; it brings CONFUSION that leads to violence, isolation, self-denial, hate, loss of vision, loss of passion, loss of hope, low self-esteem, depression, and many times DEATH.
And just as Jay Shetty a notable Indian motivational speaker and author said: “our negative experiences hold us back and weigh us down more than our positive experiences.”
Now let’s play around for a while…
Imagine you have almost all the members of your family leave for a tour or vacation and after some hours of trying to reach them, it seems you cannot connect with any of them. What do you think? Or better still, how do you feel? I’ll tell you.
At this point, the only thing that fills your thought is what ifs. What if they encountered kidnappers or armed robbers on their route? What if there’s been an accident? What if they have entered the wrong hand? What if, what if, and what if. Traces of positive thoughts cannot survive at that point.
At worse you cannot explain how you feel, even the thoughts of food and money are great enemies and even if you’ve engaged in quarrels earlier before their leaving home, it doesn’t matter again. Right?
Okay, let’s bring this down to a less threatening situation.
Let’s say you walk into an office with your confidence over 110%, you are sure you are competent for the job application and you have imagined yourself in an executive office. But after some days the office leaves you with a mail saying, “Sorry, we got another competent hand for the role.” Do you know what happens?
You will question your value and level of competence, and no matter how much you try to encourage yourself there’s always this space where negative thoughts are battling with your peace.
The question is why is this always so?
Well, human thoughts have over 60,000 to 80,000 thoughts a day and 80% of these thoughts are negative. And do you know the worst of it? Most of the negative thoughts are highly based on the things we cannot control.
Most of us are guilty of this!
Where do these negative thoughts come from?
- First, most of the negative thoughts are self-afflicted
- Also, parts of these negative thoughts come from the negative words of our loved ones, spouses, pastors, employers, and sometimes even strangers.
And sincerely it can be overwhelming battling with thoughts that you need to break out from.
How does accepting too little praise and more condemnation contribute to one’s CONFUSION about life? We are about to unravel this in our guide today. So open your mind and heart to learn.
You accept too little praise and more condemnation: part 1 of 7 on the 8 shocking reasons for your confusion about life.
Hey dear! Welcome to one of our 7th series, it has been one hell of a journey here in the world of reality. However, perilous times call for diverse and strict strategies.
How does accepting more condemnation contribute to one’s confusion about life?
I blatantly told her I would leave my marriage if my husband tortures me emotionally. This brought a heated argument. And the only question she asked was “so would you leave your home for another woman just because of mere emotional violence, not even domestic violence” hmmm.
My question, though, is, is that still a home when there is violence of any sort? We all know how domestic violence is so common and always the talk of the day for even the people still dating.
But do you know, like physical violence, emotional violence affects the psychological reasoning of the victim, it affects the attitude and response of the person towards life? And in a matter of time, it worsens for most people who did not get therapy or help.
Yes, emotional violence is that deep, emotional violence is that strong to lead to CONFUSION.
Here’s another conversation between me and the guy I once dated that stirred my emotions differently. I told him how my life has been a testimony and sincerely; he was happy for me. I sounded more like a pastor than a friend. I also encouraged him to stay rooted in GOD’S words.
However, in the middle of the conversation, he made me remember some words I used years ago.
He asked me. “Joy, do you remember your answer to me when I asked, would you marry me if I were to be a pastor?”
And sincerely, I didn’t remember having the conversation until after some minutes; he put me to my words. Well, you said, “You would have nothing to do with a pastor, and that included me”
Somehow, some part of me regretted calling because I didn’t want to feel the guilt. Well, for a long time, this affected his belief system and his pursuit of becoming an instrument of God.
I never knew I had such power, controlling another person’s decision. And you can imagine how long he battled between being meaningful to and for God and being or maintaining a relationship with a person who doesn’t matter in the course of his choice.
It is impossible to judge right in this kind of atmosphere, especially for one who is still finding his footing with GOD.
Can you remember the sincere but demeaning opinions you had about ministers, pastors, or even politicians that are so erroneous? The truth is sometimes you cannot remember because you weren’t the one receiving the negative words. But if you are on the receiving end, it bites and stays with you almost for a lifetime.
What about the direct and deep negative words from people? Words like; you will never make it in life, you are dull; you are not good enough; you don’t have what it takes to be in this role.
What about the negative experiences in the past;
- Women harassed sexually in the past
- Constant rejection from family members and partner
- Failed marriages
- Emotional devastation
- Public assault due to false accusations
- Insults from teachers and students because of repeated failed courses.
- Condemnation because of physical or mental disability
- Condemnation because you are yet to see a man or woman of your own.
- Family rejections because you are years back to manifesting and your younger ones are living a well-meaning life.
- Loss of loved ones which resulted in harsh treatment from relatives
- Denial or betrayal
- Loss of wealth which resulted in the loss of friendship, and even respect from home
- Condemnation because you chose a part only GOD chose for you.
The list is almost endless. And the truth is you and I have gone through pain or most of us are still going through pain. It is tough; it is overwhelming it hurts; most times you feel you would never recover from the pain, but there is an antidote.
The antidote is inner healing or the gift of healing.
The gift of healing is the ability to bring physical and emotional healing to people.
I attended a women’s conference on September 17th, 2022 in Asaba, Nigeria; there we had an exceptional woman of God, Pastor Kay minister to us about inner healing.
She told a story of how a lady suffered from cancer for a long time but when she spoke with the lady in person. Pastor Kay wanted to know what her personal life looked like more than the hospital protocol.
And there the lady busted into tears as she narrated the story of how she and her family were bundled out of their home shortly after their father’s death. And so she had harbored the pain for a long time, saying she would never forgive her uncles for the pain they caused them.
But after some moments of pleading to forgive her family, she finally did and, in a matter of time, cancer disappeared. Whoa! Is this possible? Well, welcome to the ocean of mind-blowing possibilities.
Do you know why you need inner healing? Because just like ants find haven around the sweet things, a broken and battered spirit becomes a haven for demon spirits.
That is why we all need inner healing. Now, what is inner healing?
What is inner healing?
Pastor Kay said, “inner healing is the correction of ungodly responses, or it is the release of pain, both inner pain and physical pain.” It is also the release of unresolved emotions.
Why does condemnation affect us? So long as you exist in this world, it is impossible to escape condemnation, no matter how good you are. However, you are still in control of your responses toward it.
Condemnation affects us because it first passes through the mind and then into the spirit. The human mind is the gate to the soul and spirit and what you feed the mind is what the soul and spirit will leverage.
Condemnation births emotional violence. It breaks one’s spirit, and emotional brokenness is worse than physical brokenness.
Proverbs 18:14 says, “the spirit of a man will sustain him in sickness, But who can bear a broken spirit?
No wonder GOD is so and more interested in broken hearts and spirits.
Psalms 51:17 “My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit, a broken and contrite heart you, God will not despise.”
People can wear pain for a very long time, passing each new day, and even years with the same pain. But really, why do people accept too little praise and more condemnation?
Why do people accept too little praise and more condemnation?
- Because you do not know who you are
- People accept too little praise and more condemnation because they have positioned their minds to always revisit the pains of the past.
- People accept more condemnation because they do not know the gravity of loss and the pain condemnation can bring.
- They refuse to truly forgive themselves, the offenders, or the situation.
Although the antidote is inner healing, most people would disagree because they find their pain unbearable and unforgettable. And we cannot over-emphasize what holding onto pain can do to us. Are you ready to learn?
What does accepting more condemnation do to the soul?
- It traps you and veils you from seeing the glory in yourself and others. Where is the glory, if not in the pain, trampled on and won over?
- You channel your energy into what you cannot control
- You see everyone else as a predator looking for potential prey (which is presumably you)
- You mentally block yourself from the blessings and opportunities that might come from the person who brought you so much pain. Just what if…
- You will become a loner because you would want to be in your WORLD (world of pain, regrets, and negativities)
- Accepting more condemnation traps you from becoming who you are meant to be.
- You depend on many people for your happiness. Most people live their life seeking validation from people.
- You live your life throwing blames on people for your negative condition and outcome.
Apostle Joshua Selman said, “you will judge everything from emotional wounds. “ So many things could go wrong with holding onto pain. So, what if you want to stay positive and win over condemnation? How can you achieve this?
How to win over condemnation
- Understand who you are; isn’t it amazing how everything boils down to knowing who you are
- Acquire knowledge of the TRUTH and LIFE
- Forgive and let go
- Affirm yourself
- Counter negative thoughts from you and negative words from people. People always say, “a closed mouth is a closed destiny.”
- Above all, do not waste your moment of pain giving the devil a chance for a dwelling place. Give God a chance to revive your broken heart.
Isaiah 57:15 says, “I dwell in the high and holy place, and also with him who is of a contrite and holy spirit to remove the spirit of the lowly and to revive the heart of contrite.”
A note to all and sundry
Dear employer: negative words don’t push your employees or encourage productivity, it steals their peace. Learn to apply constructive criticism. You must garner the strength and wisdom to support your employees amidst their weaknesses.
Dear employees: quit the negative words if you are always quick to give them. And for the negative words that come from employers, choose to stay positive, loving, and kind. You owe it to yourself; sometimes understanding yourself makes it easier than trying to understand another person.
Dear parents: you can choose to be positive and wage war against the negative attitudes your children display rather than using negative words as a means of correction.
To leaders and mentors: spare the word and save a soul. A negative word from strangers doesn’t cut like the ones coming from the one everyone is looking up to.
Everybody doesn’t have the same coping mechanism. No wonder there are more failures than successes, more death than life, because what is a dream if it is snuffed out or killed at an infant stage?
Ephesians 4:29 says, let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.
2 Timothy 2:16 says, “keep away from worthless and useless talk; it only leads people farther away from GOD.”
Do you now see how “you accept too little praise and more condemnation” contribute to people’s confusion about life?
The mind is the gateway or window to the soul and spirit. Accepting more condemnation is so bad. One’s soul becomes submerged with all negativities, anti-socialism, wildlife, misbehavior, and misunderstanding.
Many people will find comfort in trying to take revenge, but your dream requires that energy so channel that into building yourself.
I hope you let go of pain and let God mold the pain in your favor. You must sustain the courage to work alone with HIM. Until the next series comes up, please stay safe and stay attuned.